Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This girl is more easily done than said...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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