if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
40s are totally the cure
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
