never play flip cup with pint glasses
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
