I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're like the curious george of whores
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
