we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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