Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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