I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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