i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
