My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
