hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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