my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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