We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
