How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Terrible idea I love it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
