Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
