Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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