Nicole vs. Life
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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