You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
