Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
