i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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