it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
