Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
