I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize