i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
