Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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