weddingsv make me drug and hornr
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
