whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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