i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
