They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
