3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
