I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
