summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
