does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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