Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
