Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
