Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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