Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
