With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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