My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did i walk over a car last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
