I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
