If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
