we have pet lesbian snakes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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