i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
