i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
