last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
