My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i came on her dog
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
