I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
