I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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