I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
