The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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