why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
