i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
