I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize