So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
