Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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