last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize