TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
