In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
