i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
