I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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