I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
