I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
