After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
