i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
